Keep Showing Up

The Dental Journey

Oh to be Stella’s momma requires so much brave…more brave than I can imagine…a brave I don’t even know I have access to…a brave I recognize showed up only after the moment has passed. I must choose to be a better version of myself each day…to cultivate the brave and trust myself. To show up as brave for myself and my daughter looks like:

·         Choosing peace instead of anger

·         Approaching a complex dental journey in the spirit of collaboration instead of a struggle or fight

·         Being open to receive support from everywhere including medical professionals instead of feeling alone

And then there is Stella who has to attend a dental consult with an orthodontist, an oral surgeon, a plastic surgeon, 2 residents, and a nurse. She has to trust these strangers and let them look in her mouth. Stella has to find her brave and hold it even when her mom is in tears.

The Background Story

In 2024, we saw a different highly educated dental professional who had no bed-side manner, was not kind and instead was so harsh in delivering his messages that Stella would not open her mouth. He would not consider filling out the application for government funding to assist us in this complex dental journey. I cried after he left the room. I felt so alone after this terrible experience and I did not know the way forward. I did not look for a next step in this journey and instead left it alone. It was just too much and I had too little to give to this topic.

This experience is why I now state when we are looking for care from a professional of any sort that we are looking for kindness, patience, and innovative. The lack of kindness is a deal breaker.

Last week Stella visited the dentist for a check-up. For the first time in 15 years, Stella had her teeth cleaned. This proves that with familiarity and kindness anything is possible. I was quite emotional as I explained to them the terrible experience I had and I did not know next steps. The dentist offered to assist with referrals.

This week we arrived at the Children’s Hospital and met with a team of professionals. They, contrary to the mean professional we met with in 2024, are ready to assist in writing the proposal for government assistance to assist Stella and I, in this complex dental journey. I explained to them that we need to create relationship, familiarity with the office setting and most important, we need kindness. The oral surgeon agreed to kindness. They all left and shut the door behind them. I cried again, this time tears of gratitude for a way forward to assist Stella. I cried for me, the woman I once was, and the visible evidence of my growth in the ‘today version of Leanne’ who had just held my brave, my tongue and my emotions. I successfully interacted with this team and did not project my anger from a past experience and activate it in the present with different people. This is an accomplishment to feel my emotion and not project it onto others.  

My Reflection

I recognize that in the past I felt alone and approached a path like this with confrontational stance that used even more of my energy. I can see my visible evidence of growth as I ask for kindness in a clean and clear way.

Meetings like this demand that I show up as brave, be clear and focused and ask questions, maybe take notes, and stand up for myself and Stella. Afterwards I feel emotionally drained.

I share my story to help me process the experience. I write this for me and my fellow mommas and poppas as we show up with our fear and emotion not knowing how the story will end, and giving it all we got to advocate and assist our children in their unique paths.

My path has demanded that I become friends or at least acquaintances with my feelings of fear, sorrow, grief and loss, to name a few. My priceless gift I have picked up along the way is that I am deepening my ability to speak my truth, honour myself and my path.

I am still scared at times as I have no idea how to do this because I have not done this before. I have done the last 15 years without knowing how, so I guess all I must do is keep showing up and allow brave to swoop in during my moment of need. We have no idea what we are capable of until the moment arrives. 

Celebrating Life